


Free To Be You And Me

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abuse, Abused Dean Winchester, Abusive John Winchester, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Anal Sex, Depression, Destiel - Freeform, Drug Use, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Castiel, POV Dean Winchester, Past Child Abuse, Rape/Non-con Elements, Resolved Sexual Tension, Rough Sex, Self-Harm, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Tension, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-11-15 05:23:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11224191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The story of two hurt souls who have to fight to overcome their struggles. They always thought all they need is each other, but they come to realise the harsh truth.





	1. The Road So Far

**Author's Note:**

> hi hello this is my first (public) fanfic so yes it might be a little sucky :') i might have given away way too much with the tags but i wanted to be sure to cover everything. more tags will be added as this story is progressing. i am not scared or reluctant to mention "touchy" subjects, but if you've read the tags you already know what you signed up for anyways.  
> another disclaimer: english is NOT my first language and i have no writing experience, so please do not hesitate to bring even the smallest mistakes to my attention!  
> thank you for reading, and i hope you'll enjoy!

Castiel carefully stowes his groceries in the paper bag. Water bottles at the bottom, packaged foods next, then the vegetables and the eggs on top. He always takes alot of care doing those seemingly trivial tasks, but in the end, they're not trivial, are they? If Castiel was to break the eggs by accident on his way home, then what was the point in buying them at all? Or then, maybe he was just overly careful. Probably the latter.

He politely smiles at the cashier as he's paying for his goods and wishes him a nice evening, since it was already 7p.m.. Luckily, the local grocery store was open 24 hours a day. Castiel makes sure his bags are securely in his arms as he walks out of the store, automated door closing behind him. When he breathes in, he can smell the fresh and warm summer air.  ~~~~The sun is reflected by the few cars parking in the small space in front of the store, and it blinds Castiel a little. He should have brought a pair of sunglasses. His bright blue eyes had always been immensely sensitive, and so they always started hurting when it was too bright - this was also the reason for Castiel's almost constant squinting. He didn't need glasses, no. His eyes just hurt very easily.

Speaking of the cars parking in front of the store, one car in particular caught Castiel's attention: A black 1967 Chevrolet Impala. A beauty, so spick and span, you could eat off the hood without any complaints. Castiel sighes softly as he makes his way over to the car across the parking lot. 

He simply opens one of the car's back doors, because he knows it's unlocked, because it's always unlocked. He pushes the empty beer bottles off the backseat so he would have enough space to put his bags of groceries there instead. He makes sure they are secure and won't fall over when he brakes and stops the car. After making sure the groceries are safe once, even twice and even a third time, he shuts the door and walks around the car to open the door to the driver's seat.

Just as expected, and not even to Castiel's surprise, Dean is laying there, his body spread over the entire front seat. Castiel notices that his friend is snoring and that there is an empty beer bottle in his hand lazily, though it was close to slipping out of his hand. Castiel sighes as he crawls into the car and leans over his passed out friend to take the beer bottle from him. Dean smells good, despite the air being full with the smell of alcohol. Dean always smells good, Castiel thinks as he grabs the beer bottle and tosses it to the back to the others. 

The noise the glass made seemed to wake Dean up, since he now twitches briefly and suddenly cocks his head to the side. Castiel watches as his friend blinks his eyes open, smiling, though that smile wasn't exactly Castiel's intention. 

"Cas?" Dean's voice sounds hoarse and husky.

Castiel nods and gently nudges his friend's leg, gesturing him to make room for Castiel to sit down.

Dean understands, because they just understand each other, and he moves his legs off the driver's seat to sit up properly. Still sloppily, though. But then again, how would someone sit up perfectly straight after just waking up? And Dean never sits up straight.

When Castiel sits down and secures his seatbelt, Dean lazliy crams in his pockets and fishes out the car's keys. Without any question, he hands them to Castiel and Castiel takes them, starting up the car. He ignites the engine, and the car roars. Castiel likes the sound of the engine, because whenever he hears the engine he also sees Dean, and he likes seeing Dean.

Castiel puts the car in reverse and pulls out of the parking lot, and Dean doesn't say anything. He doesn't say anything until they reach the small road through the woods.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Castiel asks, keeping his voice soft.

"'Bout what?" Dean grunts in response and rests his head on the glass of the window, his green eyes focused on the trees outside.

 _About you being passed out in your dad's car in the parking lot of our local supermarket, drunk?_ But Castiel doesn't say that. He doesn't want to upset Dean, because he knows Dean has a bad temper. "I'm just wondering what you're doing here on a friday evening," Castiel replies instead, focusing on the road as he's driving.

Dean snorts. "Decided it'd be the most entertaining place. Don't know."

"You know you could have called me, Dean."

"I know. But y'also know your parents don' like me, Cas."

"That's not true."

"Is."

"Is not!"

Dean laughs now. It was more like a sigh mixed with a chuckle, but Castiel is accepting that. He likes Dean's laugh - or chuckle, for that matter.

For a while they drive in silence, neither of them bothering to speak. They didn't have to speak to communicate anyways, and they both know that. Castiel also knows what happened today, and he knows that Dean knows he knows. He can see it in Dean's tired eyes. The thing is, Dean's home isn't exactly a home. His father is drunk alot, more often than not. And he's angered easily, then. That's all Castiel knows, though. And he has a feeling that Dean doesn't want him to know any more - despite them being best friends ever since Castiel had moved here.

But whenever John is drunk or mad, Castiel knows it, no matter how much Dean tries to hide it. Castiel always notices. Maybe that's why they're best friends. And earlier, Dean would stay at the Novak's place whenever things got too bad. But ever since Dean dropped out of high school, Castiel's parents refuse to let him stay. The Novaks are very well behaved and care alot about education. And religion.

Dean then pulls Castiel back into the real world as he speaks up. "Whatya say, we go to the pier 'n smoke a few?"

Castiel shakes his head and spares his friend a quick glance. "I can't, I apologise. Mother needs the groceries to make dinner. And father will be home soon."

That makes Dean laugh softly, and he gives Castiel a small grin, which Castiel sees in the corner of his eye. "Geez, Cas, you're so posh."

"I'm _not_ posh." 

"Are, though."

"Am not!"

"Are!"

Now Castiel laughs as well, and they laugh together. He likes those times. When they just laugh, and when Dean is laughing, too. He likes Dean's laugh. 

"Besides, you are very well aware that I don't like smoking," Castiel adds, still chuckling a little.

"I know, but smoking with you is fun." Dean snorts.

Castiel snorts as well. 

"Anyways," Dean sighs and Castiel can hear how he takes a deep breath. "When you moving again?"

"The end of august, Dean. That's still a month away."

"A month 'til my only friend moves outta town, amazing," Dean states sarcastically.

"You can visit."

"Gotta watch out for Sammy. Besides, I should prolly look for a job, anyways."

Castiel nods. 

Soon, he arrives at Dean's place and parks the car at the lawn, where they always parked it. Castiel gets out of the car and so does Dean. Dean helps Castiel to get his groceries and thanks him for driving him home, because he would have probably spent the whole night there, and then John would have been mad. Dean gives Castiel one of those "brofist" things, because that is apparently how boys their age are supposed to say goodbye to each other.

"See ya, man."

"I will text you tomorrow, okay, Dean?"

Dean shrugs and unlocks the front door of his house, just stepping in and shutting it forcefully behind him again. As grumpy as ever on days like these.

Immediately after the door was shut, there was shouting coming from the house, but Castiel can't understand what they're saying. He feels bad for leaving Dean, but he doesn't exactly have another choice. Mother was waiting already. So, he turns around and starts making his way home.

Little does he know, he probably should have stayed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is really short i apologise :') but it's only the beginning and so alot of stuff will be happening, soon! thank you so much for reading, please let me know how you liked it! <3


	2. Home, Sweet Home

There is something up with Dean, Castiel knows that.

But what's wrong with Dean are not the bruises on his face - though, those are wrong, too.

It's not the fact that Dean is smoking more cigarettes than usual - which is wrong, too.

It's not that Dean was squirming in his seat the other day at lunch and walked like he was in pain - but of course, that's wrong, too.

But that's not what's  _wrong_ with Dean.

What's  _wrong_ are the hours in which Dean just doesn't respond. The hours in which he doesn't pick up his phone. The hours in which he doesn't show up to meet Castiel, even though they had made plans. The hours in which no one, not Dean, not his little brother Sam or not even John open the door when Castiel rings.

And those hours, Dean also doesn't talk about. No one knows, except Dean, and Dean doesn't want anyone to know.

Dean's sitting at the pier, on the floor, which is warm because the stones are heated up from the hot summer sun. The air is hazy and hot, and Dean reaches up to wipe some sweat off his forehead with his flannel. Even his hair is wet, sticking to his forehead and the back of his neck. He takes a deep breath and inhales the fresh summer air here at the lake. He wiggles with his feet a little, causing the water to form small waves. He scares a duck away on accident, but he doesn't mind, and neither does the duck. Dean looks up when suddenly Cas' foot touches his own. 

He looks up at his friend, and he notices that his bright blue eyes are on Dean. They're shimmering a little in the sunlight, and Dean likes that.

"Got something on my face?" Dean asks his blue-eyed friend.

Cas shakes his head and gives Dean a warm smile.

"Then why you lookin' at me like that?" He grunts.

"Like what?"

"Like  _that_."

Cas is quiet for a moment, but he doesn't look away. Dean locks eyes with him, and for a moment they just stare at each other, but it's not uncomfortable. The way Castiel looks at Dean also isn't uncomfortable, even though he probably sounded like it was just a moment ago.

Dean still looks at Cas, even as Cas looks away and turns his gaze towards the ducks swimming around on the small lake. Dean likes his friend's eyes. They are so bright and blue, just like the sea. They are very deep, too, also like the sea. But they're not cold. At all. They're warm and friendly, and it reminds Dean of the first time they met, eight years ago at this exact pier they are sitting on right now.

Two boys, from two completely different families, almost two different worlds, and yet they became best friends on an instant. Still are best friends. With Cas, Dean feels safe, and he hopes that Cas feels safe with him, too. Cas makes Dean's hell feel more like... Well, not hell. Even though he doesn't say that. But Cas knows it, anyways.

Dean bites his lip and looks down onto his feet and the calm water of the lake. "Cas?"

"Yes, Dean?" Cas' voice sounds as soft and calming as always.

"Why d'you gotta move?"

"University, Dean. Stanford. I told you."

That's right, Cas told him that. About a month ago, a week after he had gotten the acceptance letter. And he was so happy about it and proud of himself. And Dean ruined that. Of course, Dean was - still  _is_ \- proud of his friend. Hell, who the fuck got accepted into Stanford, anyways? Freaking geniuses. Heh. His best friend is a genius.

 "I know, Cas, I jus'..."

Cas looks at him. "Yes? You...?"

Dean shrugs and rubs his arm, keeping his gaze low. "Guess I just don't want you to move," he chuckles dryly, and that makes Cas chuckle a little as well.

"Don't be sad. I'm not gone forever. Just over in California. I will of course give you my address as soon as I got admitted an apartment." Cas smiles a little and nudges Dean.

Dean smiles a little as well, though it's a rather sad smile. "Cali... That's like, a freaking one day car ride."

"Not if you take an airpl-"

"I don't do airplanes!"

"I know," Cas snorts. "I just thought I'd mention it."

"Yeah, well, ain't gonna happen. And I gotta look out for Sammy anyways. And need a job. He's starting high school in september."

"Have you thought about evening classes?"

"For what?" Dean huffs. "I'm too dumb for that shit anyways. Hence why I dropped out in the first fucking place."

Cas frowns and sighs. "No, Dean. You are not stupid."

"Whatever," Dean interrupts him. "It's whatever. I don't have the money anyways. We need it for Sammy. He wants to go to college, too. He's a genius. Just like you."

"Dean-"

"No, fuck you."

Cas remains quiet now, and Dean feels bad for it. Lately his bad temper got even worse, because of... Reasons.

Dean sighs and glances at his friend shyly. "Sorry, Cas. Didn't mean to."

The boy next to him just shakes his head and gives Dean a bright smile. The brightest fucking smile on the planet and it upsets Dean, but really it doesn't because he loves that smile. "It's fine, Dean. I understand."

"I just don' wanna lose my best friend, I guess..."

"I don't want to lose you either, Dean."

"But I'm stupid. And fucking dumb and useless and ugly and-"

Suddenly, Cas reaches up and slaps the younger boy on the back of his head, which successfully shuts him up.

"Stop talking so low of yourself," his dark voice now sounding firm. "Understood?"

Dean shrinks a little and nods. "Understood."

Cas sighs and ruffles Dean's hair now, and Dean likes it. 

"Sorry, Cas, I jus'... You're my best friend."

Cas bites his lip to hide a small smile. "You're my best friend, too."

"Don't forget me over there, yeah?"

"Of course not, Dean. How could I ever forget you?"

Dean chuckles and smiles a little, maybe he's even blushing, his freckled cheeks a rosy red, and he hopes Cas doesn't notice that.

"Screw you, Cas."

"Screw you too, Dean."

And for one short and calming moment, Dean feels like they are kids again. The sun sets slowly behind the trees and Dean grins goofily at Castiel, thinking about how much he would like to kiss his friend's chapped but still full and beautiful lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was a short and sweet chapter, but don't worry, shit will go down soon :') thanks so much for the support so far! <3


	3. All Hell Breaks Loose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hospital shizz so like soz if that's triggering

It's December when Castiel gets the call.

 _It's urgent,_ they said.

 _You're the only one we were able to reach,_ they said.

Castiel had been chatting with Cole. Cole, yes, Cole is Castiel's boyfriend. Tall. Brown locks. Bright, hazel eyes. Not the point. Cole was with him as Castiel got the call. He was with him as soon as Castiel hung up. He was with him when he broke down crying in the middle of the hallway, struggling to breathe and trembling and unable to make any sense. Other students had been staring at them, so Cole had taken his mess of a boyfriend to the bathroom. He tried desperately to calm Castiel down. He ended up in Cole's arms, crying and crying and crying and crying and crying until eventually, he stopped.

The whole car ride, Castiel remains quiet. He doesn't want to talk. 

Cole glances at his boyfriend curled up on the passenger's seat as they drive down the snowy road. It doesn't snow in California, but it does snow in Kansas. Cole insits on taking the plane, but Castiel doesn't want to take the plane. He was afraid of breaking down in that metal tin can up in the air. Funny, Castiel thinks, because that's what Dean would say.

Dean.

Castiel doesn't want to think of Dean.

Maybe that's why Castiel doesn't want to take the plane. Because it would be faster, and Castiel doesn't know what he will say to Dean.

Cole pulls him back into reality. "You okay, babe?"

Castiel nods, but doesn't look at his boyfriend.

"Cas, c'mon... You don't- you know you can tell me everything right?"

Castiel nods again and curls up some more.

Cole decides to not bug Castiel any more. He doesn't know what's going on. And Castiel doesn't talk. So they just drive in silence.

They take a break at the motel. Cole is exhausted, and so is Castiel. He gets them a room, and as soon as they check in and shower and get undressed, they go to bed.

"Cas?" Cole asks as he wraps his arms around his sad looking boyfriend.

"Hm?"

The man kisses the back of Castiel's neck, nibbles and sucks at the skin and leaves a soft trail of hickeys and marks. And Castiel likes it, as he closes his eyes and sighs happily and relaxes.

"Y'know I love ya, right?" He murmurs against Castiel's pale skin.

"I love you too, Cole," Castiel mumbles under his breath.

Cole smiles. "And it'll be fine, yeah?"

Castiel gets smaller and hides his face in his hands, and Cole immedeately reacts. He pulls Castiel closer and makes a fart noise on his neck. That makes Castiel laugh.

Castiel turns around and shifts to face his boyfriend, but he buries his face in Cole's warm chest. And Cole holds him close. He presses a kiss on his angel's dark locks.

"Night, Cas."

"Mh..."

Cole is so loving.

The next day, they continue driving, and this time, they talk. They listen to music and laugh and chatter, having fun in the warm car while outside there is a snowstorm. It's pretty, Castiel thinks. It's going to be a snowy winter wonder land Christmas, and he likes that.

All the laughing stops however when they pull over in the hospital's parking lot.

They quickly grab their stuff and hurry through the snow into the warmth of the hospital.

When he gets to the reception, Castiel gets nervous.

"Uhm... Castiel Jimmy Novak," he clears his throat and takes a shaky breath.

The lady at the reception nods and looks through her list. "Dean Winchester?"

Castiel nods, and he hates that.

"Room 67. Second floor. I'll call you a nurse."

Oh, a nurse, yes. After all, Castiel can't walk into the closed department just like that. The nurse arrives soon after and leads Castiel and Cole to the second floor, psychiatry, ER, room 67. 

And when they step in, the steril hospital smell in his nose, Castiel wishes he had never answered the call.

Dean was there, sitting on the bed in front of the fenced window and watching the snowflakes fall. He looks calm.

The nurse clears her throat. "Mr. Winchester? Mr. Novak is here to see you."

Dean perks up and he glances over his shoulder, and now Castiel can see the dark rings under his eyes and how pale his face is. It breaks Castiel's heart.

Dean smiles his typical goofy smile. "Heya, Cas. What took you so long?"

"Oh, you know, snowstorms," Castiel replies and smiles, choosing to ignore the bandages on both of Dean's wrists.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah yes, hospitals.  
> sorry this is so sloppy and ugh but it's 2am and im on a kitchen nightmares binge. poor dean bean. :(


End file.
